What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:20
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Comes on , in middle age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
What's the gayest thing you have experienced on an only boys sleepover?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
I was seconnd youngest,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
Do any other guys like to eat cum of another man from their wife's pussy?
I said to her
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Is it sinful for Christians to look at beautiful women?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I waited trembling.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was 9 years of age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I write beautiful poetry .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why is there no great temptress figure in any of Tolkien’s major works?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why do we exist, and why are we conscious?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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Would this be the day?
We all went to grammer schools
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What pleasure do guys get by sucking female breasts?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What did i know ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She found it foreign!.
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was very sick at this time too.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I have no regrets .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He knew the spot.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So whats the point in blame.
My life is so biszare .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She married twice! .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So, i spoilt her more .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I couldn’t, believe it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She wouldn,t have been !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I will be 64.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But, we were locked up after school.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She loved him until the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We were not on the streets..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Was to survive, this bastard.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He resisted the act ,that day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Put me off passion for life!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is soul school!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Ive learnt so much.
I don,t even have a pension.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i lived it daily.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I could never make a relationship work though!